- 23-33: High. Your partner definitely has this attachment style.
As a rule of thumb, the higher the score, the stronger the inclination
toward that style. Any score of 23 or above indicates a strong
likelihood of a particular attachment style. If your partner is high on two
attachment styles, chances are that those are the avoidant and anxious
ones. Some of the behaviors of these two styles are outwardly similar
(even though they originate from very different romantic attitudes). In
that case, go ahead to the “Golden Rules” on page 62 to make a
better assessment.
Score of 23 or above for group A: It seems that your partner/ date
has an avoidant attachment style. This means that you can’t take
closeness and intimacy for granted. Someone secure or anxious has a
basic wish to be close; with someone avoidant that basic desire is
missing. While they have a need for attachment and love—they too
posses a basic mechanism in the brain to get attached—they tend to
feel suffocated when things get too close. With avoidants, everyday
interactions and conversations, whether they’re about which channel to
watch on TV or how to raise the kids, are actually negotiations for
space and independence. You often wind up complying with their
wishes—because otherwise they will withdraw. Research shows that
avoidants hardly ever date one another. They simply lack the glue that
keeps things together.
Score of 23 or above for group B: Your partner/date has a
secure attachment style. Such people want to be close; at the same
time they are not overly sensitive to rejection. They are also great
communicators and know how to get their message across in a way
that is straightforward yet not accusing. Once you get close to
someone with this attachment style, you don’t have to negotiate
intimacy anymore: It becomes a given. This frees both of you to enjoy
life and grow. They listen to your point of view and try to make things
work in a way that will be acceptable to you both. They have an innate
understanding of what a romantic partnership means—namely, that
your partner’s well-being is your own and vice versa. These qualities
allow you to be your most authentic self, which research has shown to
be one of the most important factors contributing to your overall
happiness and well-being.
lily
(lily)
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