what I’m not willing to compromise on. Like what? Well, she’ll have to
be financially self-sufficient because I already have one woman milking
me dry; I have no intention of supporting two! But there are also some
other lines that I’m not willing to cross.
Attachment Style: ____
Answer: Avoidant. You might be saying to yourself that the guy just
went through a divorce and is bound to be cautious. That may be so,
but until we hear evidence to the contrary—he’s avoidant. He says that
even after he falls in love he will not compromise, that he values his
independence, that he’s mistrustful. Notice how he even talks about
“her kids”? He could be talking about a woman with children from a
previous marriage, but it’s also possible that even when imagining
their joint kids, Barry views them as “her kids.” The language that he
uses creates distance. He’s also afraid of being taken advantage of by
women who want to tie him down in marriage and of being exploited
financially. Consider the first Golden Rule: Determine if s/he seeks
intimacy and closeness. You know he doesn’t; he talks about wanting
to be sought after and a lot of sex but mentions nothing about
emotional support or closeness.
- Bella, single, 24.
Mark and I have been dating for a year and a half. We’re very happy
together. Don’t get me wrong, not everything was perfect from day one.
There were several things that bothered me about Mark at first. One
example is that when we met, Mark was inexperienced sexually, and to
be quite honest, I had to literally coach him in bed. I wasn’t going to live
the rest of my life sexually frustrated! But that’s ancient history. Also,
I’m much wilder than he is. Mark is a serious, down-to-earth type of
guy; in fact, at first I thought he was too geeky for me to date. But I
couldn’t have made a better choice—Mark is warm and dependable—
qualities that are priceless. I love him to bits.
Attachment Style: ____
Answer: Secure. The clearest and most decisive clue that Bella is
secure is the fact that she coached Mark in bed. This is a great