E The Holistic View 147
Openness can come from relative position as well. If I stand at
a somewhat oblique angle to another American man, he will per-
ceive it as open. If I turn to face him head-on, I usually notice he
will shift to keep this position less confrontational. By oblique I do
not mean a T-formation. If I do move to the T and close in on the
person’s dominant hand, he will perceive that as a threat, too. Try it
if you doubt me. Add to that squared shoulders as you talk. Do you
see a difference? Experiment with someone you know, not someone
you’ve just met in an elevator.
Clothing can demonstrate openness as well. When John Mark
Karr confessed to killing JonBenét Ramsey, he wore his collar
buttoned to the top. Oddly enough, the first question thrown at me
on CNN that night related to his tightly buttoned collar. This is a
piece of body language that probably strikes many people as closed
at first glance. I avoided the question, by the way, because I did not
know whether it was his norm; I do not like to think in absolutes and
did not want to be painted into that corner. Karr’s microculture
could play a part in his dressing that way. But if that is not his norm,
buttoning his collar to the top is, in fact, a barrier.
Openness, or lack thereof, can also be demonstrated by barriering
with objects or with natural tools: hands, ankles, knees, or even fin-
gers. Objects can make a person feel safer—a rolled magazine, a
purse, a laser pointer, a cell phone. Look for use of these tools not as
a screen to hide body language physically, but a way to divert energy
away from the face and body. Repeated or consistent use of them as
barriers in a conversation probably means you should look beyond
them to find nervousness, anger, disgust, or embarrassment. In an
office, of course, the most common barrier is a person’s desk.