146 I Can Read You Like a Book E
Exercise
Look in the mirror. Place your elbows close to your
sides and raise your palms as if you are helpless.
Now do the same gesture, but raise the elbows from the body.
Which seems protected? Which seems genuine? Traditionally, open
arms are viewed as welcome. This closed-to-the-sides posture
showing vulnerability is instinctively distrusted by every one of my
students. Most cannot tell you why. Now you know.
Our nature is to demonstrate how open we are to acquaintances,
whether new or old. Warm and open take on different appearances
in different cultures, but all have one thing in common: displaying
vulnerability to show openness.
The military salute is the most formal of greetings, a way to
show servitude to superiors. A rigid and formalized gesture, it pre-
sents the right hand to the brow. Numerous theories try to explain
why this developed, from a knight opening his visor to show his
face, to the exposure of a hand without a weapon. The meaning is
still the same: “I am raising my primary weapon into a nonready
position, to show servitude.”
The American handshake carries a related meaning: “I am offer-
ing you my primary weapon and I would like yours in exchange.”
The Asian bow: “I am lowering my unprotected skull.” How much
more open, that is, vulnerable, can a human get? These actions
capture the essence of why openness is so important in communi-
cation. Humans are a perceptive lot even when their culture dulls
the senses.
