A Making It Personal 195
ƒ At what level does he normally gesture—waist-high
a little above the waist—and how would you describe
his gestures when relaxed—open, energetic, and so on?
ƒ Where do his eyes access as he recalls data? (The
test for memory versus construct is in Chapter 3.)
ƒ How does he respond when you ask about his opinion
on a non-threatening topic, such as the best restaurant
in town?
The responses give you insights, such as the following: After
you have collected this baseline information, you ask him why Judy
in sales flew to Vancouver last week instead of doing her usual site
visit to San Diego. If he responds with facts, but his body language
says “opinion,” then red flags should go up.
Use the holistic approach to create a picture of what is normal
for the particular person. This is not a month-long study of the
monkey. This is a quick review of the person followed by an
evaluation to note what stands out about this particular person.
We are all products of our environment, with culture playing an
insidious role in the person we become. We get away with some-
thing, and it becomes a habit. We develop strategies for survival,
and they work, so we repeat them.
Describe your habits and strategies. When you feel threatened,
do you demonstrate your strength by becoming bigger, or do you
shrink so that the threat will underestimate you until you can pounce?
The most successful among us have created many-layered
approaches to communication and may broadcast strength and
vulnerability at the same time to different audiences.