234 I Can Read You Like a Book
make naïve assumptions and act accordingly. So use the more
subtle techniques that I suggest here.Mirroring
Mirroring to gain approval or to connectwith someone is not
the monkey-like mimicking of the person’s behavior. In fact, if you
are a man trying to mirror a woman, the mannerisms may differ
quite a bit. Mirroring means getting the gist of the other person’s
mannerism. So if she places a hand on her hip, you may rub your
thigh slightly to get your hand in a similar position. If she puts a
finger to her lips, you may brace your chin with your hand. Both are
thinking gestures.Regulators
I often use regulators to start my source down the road to
compliance. Something as simple as a finger across the lips to quiet
the person is a powerful request. You then read the body language
to determine if it is working. Conditioned response works to your
advantage and compliance with your regulator early on is a reliable
sign of it. Can you always use it to arouse a subliminal sense of “I
should be quiet”? Definitely not. In some cases, use it only if you
are in repel mode. Use it too obviously, and many people will see
the gesture as the international symbol for “Shut the f*** up!” so
honor the context. Be careful how you use it.