The Man in the Street 233
With practice, you can send a message with body language that
you have used only passively to this point. You can set out to make
your own strategies. Unlike most of the world, you will be cogni-
zant of every move you make as part of your strategy—without the
need to have someone like me analyze it for you.
Most people connect through the use of positive body language,
but you can just as easily use negative behaviors to force the per-
son to feel as though he needs your validation. You must first
review his body language, evaluate what is important and different,
and analyze what it means before D (deciding how to use body
language). Will you use positive body language to connect with him
by making him feel like a kindred spirit? Or do you notice he is an
approval seeker and determine that the negative approach through
repelling motions will get him to struggle to win your approval,
moving closer to you all the time?
Every interaction between humans changes the behaviors of
both parties. When you are talking to someone, look for his
strategies—for conflict and influence. Is it one of those discussed
in Chapter 8, or something different? Mentally catalog these be-
haviors, because you will see that person use them again.
You are now moving into the sophisticated skill area of using
your body language as a weapon. Be conscious of factors that will
either support or degrade your efforts: filters, prejudice, lack of
context, and wrong facts are a few. Just because you now know
that crossing your arms does not necessarily mean you are shutting
someone out, you can’t presume your insight has rubbed off on
other people. Most of the world does not get it; most people will