238 I Can Read You Like a Book
“Would you like to have dinner with me?” he asks.
Pause. “Well (pause), I actually have (pause) other plans,” you
respond. An astute man realizes you are saying, “No way in hell am
I having dinner with you.”Managing stress
On more than one occasion in the interrogation room, I have
used artificial stress or violation of cultural space norms to destroy
a barrier between me and my source. The oddest part of this equa-
tion is that when I relieve the stress, the person feels thankful to me
for relieving the stress I created in the first place.
Here’s how it works in daily life. Maryann and I were walking
from the grocery store one afternoon and talking, of course, about
body language. I saw a slightly overweight lady a few years older
than I am coming toward us. She was wearing a shirt that was too
short for her body type, and a T-shirt underneath that exposed her
midriff. By simply looking at the tail of the T-shirt and widening my
eyes a little bit, I sent a message. Immediately, she began grooming,
tugging the front of the shirt down. I turned away.
Let’s take this situation to an end in which I really do want to
manipulate her. I move in closer so she feels stressed. I say, map in
hand, “You look like a local. Could you please help me with direc-
tions to the post office?” All the while, I’m looking her over. I then
move in very close to her as I hold the map in a lateral posture with
her. She now feels relieved because she thinks I was simply trying
to decide whether or not she is a local. She has no idea why she
quickly feels better.