“How do you know that?” enables the speaker to reconnect
their interpretation of others' behavior back to the behavior
itself. It challenges the assumptions that the speaker is
making. It encourages them to be specific in their observations
and in their feedback.
Interpretation is when two statements are linked in such a way
that they are taken to mean the same thing. The statement
takes the form “This means that.”
I remember when I went for a job interview in London many
years ago. When I left that interview, if someone had asked me
what I thought about the interviewer I’d have said something like
“He ignored me.” What he actually did was swing his chair
around and look out of the window each time he asked me a
question. My belief at the time was: “He didn’t look at me, he
isn’t interested in me for this job.” What I didn’t know then but
discovered subsequently, when I joined the department, was that
this was how he concentrated on conversation. In his perception
he wasn’t ignoring me at all.
Other examples of this are:
❏ You are speaking with a sharp tone of voice, you are
obviously annoyed with me.
❏ My manager banged the door open. I knew I'd done
something wrong.
❏ You are not smiling. You are obviously not enjoying yourself.
Challenge this pattern by asking “How does this mean that?”
❏ How does that tone of voice mean that I am annoyed with
you?
❏ How does the fact that your manager banged open the door
mean that you had done something wrong?
❏ How does the fact that I am not smiling mean that I am not
enjoying myself?
PRECISION QUESTIONS 101