That moment enabled lan to express what he really felt. That
moment would also imprint itself on his son’s mind in such a way
that when he had a teenage son of his own he had this memory,
this role model of how a father can be.
At that point lan was not consciously thinking, “What is the
positive intention behind my son’s behavior toward me?” But at a
more unconscious level this principle was in operation. It certainly
wasn’t in his son’s mind to think, “How can I be so disagreeable that
I cause my dad to give me a role model of parenting for my future?”
Far from it! But by acting as if this were the case, lan turned what
might have been a damaging situation into a special one.
This is the sort of influence you can have. If you choose to
believe that there is a positive intention toward you in the
following kinds of circumstances, you can transform the way
you respond to the situation. For example:
❏ Your boss criticizes you for your incompetence.
❏ You could choose to believe that the positive intention
toward you is to provide you with the opportunity to learn
how to stay calm and confident when faced with aggression.
❏ A colleague misunderstands what you tell him or her.
❏ The positive intention is to teach you how to be more
flexible in your communication so that you find a way of
explaining that they do understand.
❏ Your business takes a dive.
❏ The intention is for you to make a new start and learn how
to pick yourself up when things go wrong.
These examples may or may not work for you. It is important to
generate your own ideas of what the positive intentions might
be, ones that make sense of the behavior for you. This is an
opportunity to let your creativity generate some ideas. When
you find a positive intention that works for you, you will find
the behavior takes on a whole new meaning. More than that, it
will free you from giving a compulsive response: It will change
your state so that your response is one of choice and not of
inappropriate habit.
Acting “as if”WRITE YOUR OWN LIFESCRIPT: BELIEFS OF EXCELLENCE 247