NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

to run an effective meeting, or to expect others to follow your

lead and want to buy into your sense of direction. Without

rapport, very little communication of value will occur.

“Just because you are making a noise in my direction don’t think

you are communicating.”

David Gordon

So what happens when this connection doesn't naturally occur?

This is when your skill of rapport building is most needed. The

real test is whether you can build rapport when it is not returned

in kind by the people with whom you are dealing. Let's explore

the characteristics of people who do this.

Skillful communicators build rapport by:

❏ Seeking to connect with everyone with whom they come

into contact in a way that demonstrates respect for

difference. They respect the beliefs, values, and styles of

others even though they may be different to their own.

❏ Being aware of the degree to which they are similar (or not)

in any of the following—recognizing that significant

dissimilarity probably indicates lack of rapport:

◆Posture—Position of the body/position of the legs and

feet/weight distribution; position of the

arms/hands/fingers; shoulder tension or relaxation;

inclination of the head.

◆Expression—Direction of the look; movement of the

gaze.

◆Breathing—Rate of breathing; position of the breathing,

in the chest/abdomen or low stomach.

◆Movement—Signature rhythm (overall tempo of

movement), fast/steady/slow/still.

◆Voice—Pace/volume/pitch/tone/type of words, intonation.

◆Language—Visual/auditory/feelings patterns.

The more you can subtly get into the style of the person with

whom you are communicating, the more you will begin to

understand what their motives, attitudes, values, beliefs, and

feelings must be for them to be doing and saying what they

are doing and saying.

294 NLP AT WORK

Building rapport