And in the language of written communication:❏ Words used.
❏ Senses preferred.
❏ Values highlighted.
❏ Chunk size.
❏ Sequence of the communication, e.g., big picture first,
details later.
❏ Problem or desired state orientation.
❏ Use of time during and between communication.
❏ Passive or active language.
❏ Use of metaphor or precision language.
This can be a long list to attempt to work on at one time. Some
of these may come naturally to you. Choose one of the less
natural ones and practice that until you can do it automatically.
Choose occasions to practice matching when you are an
observer and do not have to engage in conversation. Using
your written communication with someone is a good place to
start as you have time to analyze what they are saying and how
they are saying it. You also then have the time to match your
response to take into account their preferences.
Be prepared, however. One of my friends who sat silently
matching the behavior of a manager who was engaged in
conversation with a colleague was taken by surprise when the
manager turned to my friend and said, “I’d really like to know
what you think.” It's interesting what happens when you
actively demonstrate rapport, silent or otherwise!
Rapport is influence. When you are communicating with
someone else you are part of a system. The higher the level of
rapport that exists between you, the greater the influence you
have on each other.
This usually doesn't require much conscious attention. When
you have rapport you know it, you feel at ease in the other
person's company, conversation flows, and equally silence is
comfortable. What occurs is like a dance: As one moves the other
DEVELOP A CLIMATE OF TRUST: RAPPORT 295Silent rapportRapport is influence