of the experience disturbed her more than the loss of any
possessions. Just last week the police asked my mother if she
would be willing to help in an identification parade. She is an
invalid and any activity is very painful and upsetting for her.
However, she has very strong principles and wants to help to
prevent similar crimes being carried out in the future. I could tell
that she was emotionally upset when she called me to ask my
advice. “Do you think I should help with this identity parade?”
was her question. A part of me wanted her to say “No” to prevent
her having to go through the emotions of the experience, but my
instinct was to say “Yes, I believe that is the right thing to do.”
That is what I said and she thanked me for my answer.
If any business colleague were to ask me a question with the
same format, “Do you think I should...,” and if my outcome were
to support them to find their self-esteem and confidence, then
my principle is to say “Yes.” By saying yes I am confirming the
perception they have already formed within themselves. I am
confirming that their map of the world is valid. By saying yes I am
presupposing that they do have all the resources they need
within themselves already. And by saying yes I am acting in a way
that is more likely to boost their independence and self-esteem
and confidence than if I were to offer a solution of my own.
The main role of a coach is to support others to realize their
true potential. I also believe that the fastest and most effective
way to do this is to help them to find the resources they
already have within themselves. In the context of coaching it is
often more appropriate to find ways to boost self-esteem and
confidence than it is to get the “right” solution. I have certainly
had some of my most powerful learning experiences through
the mistakes I have made. Coaching requires us to be
prepared to give others the space to make their own mistakes
and realize their own successes. They can only do this if we
encourage them to do things their way and learn from doing so.
Ironically, although my mother has been very shaken by her
experience with the intruder, it has also given her momentum
to ensure that justice is done. In a way, by supporting the
identity parade she feels she is making a more significant
contribution to society than she has done for years. Who am I
to seek to take that away from her to protect my own fears?
The role of a coach is to help
others realize their true
potentialHIGH PERFORMANCE COACHING 355