true capabilities. Each state has its own characteristic thinking
patterns and beliefs and characteristic body language. By
learning to recognize the characteristics of each and the
distinctions between the two, we can learn how to choose the
most effective one for the outcomes we want to achieve.
You may have read books on body language saying that, for
example, if someone is crossing their arms it means that they
are defensive. Or maybe you have heard that if someone
touches their nose with the back of their finger this means they
are lying. In my experience it is foolish and disrespectful to
make such judgments.
The way body language is used in NLP is very different. In NLP
we respect that each person has their own unique patterns of
body language. The challenge is to be sensitive to that and not
make assumptions—positive or negative—about what those
signals mean. We might find, for example, that crossed arms for
one person mean something completely different to what they
mean for someone else. One of the aims of NLP is to heighten our
awareness of patterns in body language for everyone we meet so
that we can learn how to flex our behavior to connect with them
if we so choose and in a way that is respectful of who they are.
What we think is how we are. Through our body language we
show our skills, our values, our beliefs, what kind of person we
are, our cultural preferences, and even our purpose in life. By
a handshake you are revealing everything that anyone can ever
know about you if they have the sensitivity to be attuned to
this. And we show what we are feeling at any particular
moment. If we are expecting disagreement in a meeting we are
about to attend, we will show that in our body language.
When Peter was expecting disagreement in a meeting he
typically engaged in a negative inner dialog imagining the worst
What we think is how we areTHINKING WITH YOUR BODY 69