death, I have now changed my mind and decided I don’t want to die?
Now, I’m so afraid of dying I can hardly hold my own. I’m exactly
the same person I was then. I didn’t exchange my heart for the heart
of some coward. So why do I seem to be a new person with a cow-
ardly attitude? In the monastery, I was prepared to die. Now that
I’m actually here, I’ve changed my mind. Which is it going to be?
Make up your mind right now – don’t wait any longer. How about
this? I’ll go sit in meditation at the overhanging edge of a steep prec-
ipice. If my mindfulness falters, then let me fall to my death at the
bottom of the ravine where the vultures and the flies can take care
of my corpse. There would be no need to trouble the villagers about
it. No one should have to dirty their hands handling the corpse of
a useless monk – my futility might prove contagious. Then again, I
could sit in meditation right in the middle of the path leading to the
tiger’s cave. I’ll make it easy for that tiger when it goes out hunting
for food. It can just sink its teeth into my useless neck and have me
for a snack tonight. Which will it be? Make up your mind quickly –
do it now!
His resolve bolstered, he walked to the front of the cave
and stood for a moment, awaiting inspiration. Weighing his two
options, he finally decided to go with the first one: to meditate,
seated precariously on the brink of the steep precipice near his
cave. Any slip in mindfulness, and vultures and flies would be
there to take care of his remains. That decided, he walked over
and sat down, facing a deep gorge with his back to the path the
tiger took to and from its cave. He began repeating “buddho”,
intensely aware that, if careless, he could die in an instant. Seated
there meditating on buddho, he kept a vigilant watch on his mind
to see which fear predominated: that of falling down the preci-
jacob rumans
(Jacob Rumans)
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