Virginia Satir compares the different faces of a man with a vibrant mobile, the
parts of which form a whole in harmony and balance. Stages of change bring the
mobile temporarily out of balance, because they are naturally accompanied by
fear and uncertainty. When this occurs,it is important to recognize this imbal-
ance and re-balance the mobile. Many people recognize their inner lack of
balance only in extreme situations, e.g. if they become seriously ill or lose
a loved one.
Therefore, she formulated a type of life task or motto: “Each of us can –
regardless of age – still discover something new about ourselves. This makes our
life interesting for us and for others. To the extent to which we accept ourselves
with all our parts, we become a rounded personality, we are loving to ourselves
and others and approach others in an open and loving way” (Satir 1988, p. 109).
3.2.3.3 The Inner Script
Our lives can be compared with a stage: we determine what is on the stage, we
perform our own internal drama and we play a part in it. We are scriptwriter,
director and the leading actor all in one. And consciously or unconsciously we are
constantly looking for events that fit in our life script. We interpret the world so that
it corresponds to our script. But we do not play just one role in our one-man
screenplay; we are a team of protagonists. At the drop of a hat we slip into another
role. Depending on the scene, we are a dominant leader, compassionate friend or
a small child, afraid of their parents’ anger.
In each role, we show another of our many faces. And in each role, we are
speaking a text consisting of life statements. We know them by heart and recite
them automatically, without thinking about it. Everyone has their own life
statements; together they represent the inner script. They consist of phrases, idioms,
demands or opinions that we heard from others and have saved. These are perma-
nently saved on our internal hard drive.
We learn our life statements very early in our childhood. We learn them quickly,
because we realize that they help us to reduce the complexity of the environment
and also provide security. We can hold on to them if we are afraid, if we feel
uncertain, if we feel weak, if everything collapses around us. Then, the phrase “You
can do it” we once heard from our mother or father, teacher, grandparents or older
siblings becomes a mantra.
The downside of these mental supportsis that they can quickly become bars
that imprison us and inhibit our development. They give us, for example, the
feelingthatwemustdoeverythingonourown–atypicalmentaltrapexecutives
are prone to fall into. Life statements cannot be erased, but by recognizing them
again and again, you can greatly lessen their negative impact. For this you have to
go back to childhood, where the most statements, and the most powerful ones,
have shaped you. You can track them down by asking questions: What have
I learned, heard in my family, at school, from friends? What impulses did I have
3.2 Leading with Your Head and Heart 133