The other party feels understood and taken seriously.
The other party gains a sense of trust and security and opens up.
Active listening not only helps us understand our conversational partner better,
but also gives them the feeling that they are heard, understood and are accepted as
a person. Active listening also especially expresses, at least during the conversation,
the other party is the most important person.
As such, active listening is referred to as being “partner-centered.” To imple-
ment it successfully, the following recommendations should be observed:
Concentrate on the comments and the behavior of your communication partner:
What did they say? What did they mean by that? What does their body language
tell us?
Show interest in your conversational partner through eye contact, asking
questions, agreeing and using an “open” body language (e.g., do not cross your
arms, turn away, or nervously play with your fingers). These are ways to indicate
interest.
Put yourself in the position of the conversational partner in order to understand him
or her better.
Do not make up your mind right away; find out the position of your communication
partner first.
Make sure to clear up uncertainties, inquire about the facts in important respects,
and gauge the emotional state of your communication partner.
Check whether you have understood the content of your partner’s statement
correctly by repeating their factual statement (“paraphrasing”) as well as their
emotional message (“verbalizing”).
Keep the conversation going by asking focused questions.
To maintain the “emotional balance,” volunteer your own information without
waiting to be asked.
Signal your empathy by expressing your own feelings. In this way, leaders show
that they are only human.
The basis for active listening lies in astutely sensing what your conversational
partner is truly saying. Even more revealing, however, is what has not been said
explicitly, but is meant. In this regard, your partner’s body language can provide
a number of clues. A similar idea holds true for understanding written information.
“Reading between the lines” is more important than just noting what is written.
Let me once again point out the aspect of asking questions: They serve to clarify
doubts and misunderstandings, and to ascertain whether your conversational part-
ner has been properly understood. In addition, you can signal your interest in or
concern for their views, thus winning them over. Inquiries are also very conducive
to building trust. For all their positive effects, however, these questions must not be
asked too frequently, or your partner may get the impression that you’re either not
competent or not truly listening.
Lastly I would like to list a number of sample formulations to show how active
listening works in practice:
3.2 Leading with Your Head and Heart 143