Thoughts to Build On

future. So re-read this chapter. It tells you what resent-
ment really is, what unhappiness it can cause you, and how
to avoid it. That brings you a long way toward getting rid
of whatever resentments you now possess (or perhaps I
should say: «now possess you").
But some additional methods are needed if you
are to rid yourself of well-established, deeply-rooted re-
sentments.
One requirement is a sympathetic understand-
ing of the persons you resent. Perhaps they were justified
(or, at least, they thought so) in doing whatever it was
which caused your resentment. I have discovered, by
objective and thoughtful analysis, that actions by others
which I have most deeply resented and which have caused
me the most unhappiness-are actually RE-actions to
something I did first which aroused their antagonism and
thus caused them to act as they did, ultimately causing
my own resentment. I'll bet, if you honestly and objec-
tively analyze each of your resentments, you, too, will dis-
cover that, in many cases, you initially started, or, at least,
you escalated, the events which finally resulted in your
harboring the resentments.
In those cases, your resentments have no valid
cause to exist and, in the light of understanding, should
promptly vanish. Then you need to do one more thing.
Since you caused the other person to act as he did because
of his own resentment toward you, you need to remove his
resentment, too. Do this by apologizing, or by directly or
indirectly making amends, or by whatever appropriate and
effective method is needed to remove his resentment of