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Marriage and Family Life: The ParentingYears

distinct seasons or stages of an adult
parent’s life based on the developmental
stages of their children.These stages
provide a good springboard to begin our
investigation of the parenting journey.

Stage 1: Celebrity - Self-absorption of
impending parenthood

Thecelebrity stagebeginsbeforethe
baby isborn.Parents-to-beexperiencea
changein extendedfamily statusrelatedto
pregnancy,creatinga senseof being
special,but at thesametimefeeling
ambivalent about lifeandworriedabout
personalwellbeing.In thisstage,parents-
to-bealternateback andforth between
hopesandfears,excitement andanxiety.

Stage 2: Sponge - Surrendering former
identity to the essentials of caring for a baby

Thesponge stagebegins with the birth
of the baby and ends when the child is
around 2 years of age.This is the stage in
which another birth takes place—the new
parent is born.Attachment to the child
and identifying one’s self as a parent are
the primary tasks in this stage.Parents in
this stage feel tremendous responsibility
for the child and experience a sense of
frequent depletion from constantly
forgoing personal needs in order to meet
the baby’s essential needs.

Stage 3: Family Manager - Organizing and

juggling life with toddlers and preschoolers

Whenchildrenarebetween2and5years

of age,parentsfacetheirfearsof

ineffectiveness—thisisthefamilymanager

stage.Theprimarytaskof parentingisto

determinethemeaningof whatWinnicott

(1989)termedagood-enough parent—

reconcilingthedesiretobeaperfectparent

withbeinga“good-enough”parent.Inthis

stage,childrenaremobile,havelearned

languageskills,andareexertingtheir

independence.Asaresult,childrenrequire

moreof theirparents’timeandattention

thanwhentheywereyounger,resultingin

anemotional,physical,intellectualand

spiritualstateof responsibilityforthe

children’swelfare.Parentingdecisions

revolvearoundwhentosayno,and

followingthroughonnewrules.

In the celebrity stage, parents-to-be alternate back and

forth between hopes and fears, excitement and anxiety.

ImagefromBigstockPhoto.com/eminavn