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Chapter 7

theydecidetomisbehave.Adultsknowthe

consequencesofrunningaredlightortaking

somethingwithoutpayingforit.Theythen

makethedecisiontoactornot.Children

needthesameinformationtoguidetheir

behavior.Parentsmustthenholdfasttothe

consequence(evenwhentheywanttogive

in),sotheirchildrencanlearnthatevery

actionhasaconsequence.

Principle 3: Allow Choices

Childrenneedchoices.Parentscando

thisinavarietyofways.Thenumberof

choicesshouldbeconsistentwiththechild’s

age.Toddlerscanchoosebetweenmilkand

juice.Preschoolersmightchoosebetween

wearingaredshirtorablueshirt.Thegoal

istohelpchildrenlearntomakedecisions—

askillmanyadultsstillhavenotlearned.

Choicescanalsobeusedtohelpchildren

decideonabehavior.Forinstance,

Of course,an important part of the

parent’srolein helpinga childlearn to

choosecorrectly is to be consistent with

the consequences.

Principle 4: Define Expectations

Children need to know what is

expected of them.Parents should define

their expectations when the child is still

young.If parents let children know what

kind of behavior they expect in a given

circumstance,children will more likely

comply.For example,a parent goes into a

shop with many breakable items within

reach of the child.The parent tells the

child things are breakable and the child

must“look with your eyes,not with your

fingers.”Remember,unless they are told

otherwise,young children have no social

awareness that environments are different

and require different behavior.

SIDEBAR7.3
It’s Your Choice!

I have enjoyed watching our daughter talk about
choices with our 2-year-old grandson. When he
misbehaves, he can tell you fairly quickly that he
madeabadchoiceandacceptstheconsequencefor
hisactions.Shealwaystalkstohimaboutthechoice
he made and what other choices he had.If he gets
reallyupset,shepatientlywaitsuntilhehascalmed
downenoughtotellherwhyheisbeingdisciplined.
It’s hard for a grandparent to stand by and watch
himcryovernotgettingagumballbecausehedid
somethinghewastoldnottodo,buthehasquickly
learned to think about his choices and their
consequences. He is frequently overheard at
preschool telling the other children when they
misbehavethattheymadeabadchoice.
—Author

Mom:“If youchoosetocrawlunder

thetable,youwillnotgetdessert.”

Child:“ButIwantdessert.”

Mom:“It’syourchoice.If youchoose

tocrawlunderthetable,therewillbe

nodessert.”