Chapter 12
Choosing the right time and place can determine
the likelihood of resolving a conflict.© iStockphoto.com / Alina 555- Identify the Issue.Most family
conflicts involve more than one issue.
Family members may disagree about
which issue is the real one. The first
task is to prioritize the issues. Come
to an agreement about what issue to
tackle first. Focus on that issue until
it is resolved and then move on to the
next. - Choose the Right Time and Place.
Some conflicts can be constructively
resolved immediately. If emotions are
intense, however, it is better to allow
a“cooling off”period. Choose a time
when you can have privacy and all
parties are not under undue stress.
For example, it is not a good idea to
hash out the family’s future the night
before a big project is due. It is not a
good time to unload all your
grievances at a formal dinner with
friends and family present. Choose a
time and place when you will have
sufficient stress-free time and the
necessary privacy to resolve the issue.
See Sidebar 12.3 for an illustration of
choosing the right time. - Begin with a Positive Stroke.Say
something nice about one another
before discussing what
improvements are needed. This will
soften the blow of criticism and
enable everyone to listen and
respond attentively.
4. ExpressAngerWithoutAbusing One
Another.Anger is not wrong,but it
must be controlled so it is not abusive.
The Bible says,“Be angry but do not
sin;do not let the sun go down on your
anger”(Ephesians 4:26 NRSV).Use“I”
statements (“I feel angry”) rather than
“you”statements (“You make me
angry”).This makes you take
ownership of your feelings instead of
putting the blame on someone else.
Anger which is verbally or physically
abusive is sinful.
5. Avoid Triangles.Do not pull in
someone else to side with you. Two
against one is never fair. While
children should be exposed to
constructive conflict resolution by
their parents, it is never appropriate
to force them to take sides.