Chapter 12
may believe the husbandshouldcontrol
the wife and children. In addition, if a
man with traditional gender attitudes is
denied access to power in the economic
world (e.g., being unemployed or
underemployed), he may compensate by
trying to command more power in the
home. This explains why spouse abuse is
more common in marriages with
traditional gender roles (Carter &
McGoldrick, 2005; Esqueda & Harrison,
2005).
Marital Rape.Another disturbing
phenomenon associated with spouse abuse
is marital rape. This is a particularly vicious
form of control because it violates the
cultural norm that sexual intimacy is highly
valued and privatized. In a culture which
views sex as an act of love, rape becomes a
particularly intrusive form of abuse. The
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
(2006) reports a woman is more likely to be
forced into a nonconsensual sexual act with
her husband than with a stranger. Recent
findings on the effects of pornography on
the brain, and the resultant increase in
aggression, helps explain why there is often
a link between pornography and male
sexual aggressiveness or abusiveness with
their female partners (Seto,Alexandria, &
Barbaree, 2001;Vega & Malamuth, 2003;
Weaver, 2004).
Why Do They Stay?Why do spouses
stay in an abusive relationship? Studies
have shown over half of abused women
return to their abusive relationships after
discharge from a shelter (Mills, 2003).
Mills goes on to suggest several reasons
women stay in abusive and violent
relationships. They stay because they have
an intimate relationship or an emotional
connection to their abuser, their children
and the life they have built. Some stay for
religious reasons, viewing divorce and
remarriage as non-options. Some women
see no other alternatives for providing
financially and emotionally for themselves
and their children. Still other women lack
the self-esteem, possibly the result of
many years of abuse, to make the decision
to leave and act on it. Some women return
because of ongoing threats of violence
toward them or their children. When they
return, they likely have less confidence and
personal power, making them even more
susceptible to abuse in the relationship.Abusers are usually very remorseful and
caring after an episode of abuse, sparking
hope in the victim that it won’t happen again.© iStockphoto.com / ivar