Chapter 13
God, in His infinite wisdom, knew the
hurt and devastation divorce would cause
and wanted to shield His children from
the pain. Yet, even when God says no, His
people often refuse to listen. In the
shadow of Adam and Eve, who ate the
forbidden fruit, bringing sin into the
world, we continue to make the same
mistakes and suffer similar consequences.
The consequences of divorce are especially
painful and long lasting.
Divorce: The Death of a
Relationship
Marriage vows often contain this
statement from Matthew 19:6b:
“Therefore, what God has joined together,
let man not separate.” Older translations
use the phrase “let not man put asunder”
(KJV, RSV). Divorce tears a couple apart;
it separates the two halves (puts asunder
the oneness) of the marriage covenant. In
essence, the relationship is put to death. As
a metaphor, death is not too strong in
describing divorce. People experience
divorce as a kind of death. Grief—
mourning the death of a
relationship—characterizes the period
leading up to and following a divorce.
The idea of divorce connotes that a
marriage has taken place; however, it has
become increasingly acceptable in society,
though not in the church, for both men
and women to have a series of
monogamous partners throughout their
lifetime which may or may not include
marriage—serial monogamy. Breakups of
these unmarried relationships can have
consequences similar to divorce, especially
for children.
In this chapter, we will examine the
causes and consequences of divorce, as
well as review the related issues of single
parenting, remarriage, and stepfamilies.Divorce Statistics
The divorce rate rose sharply in the
1970s and 1980s, but actually declined
slightly in the 1990s and early 2000s. (see
Figure 13.1 along with related Figures 3.1
and 3.2 in chapter 3) We have heard it said
that half of all marriages will end in
divorce. However, if present trends
continue, about 4 in 10 marriages will end
in divorce. Most of these people will
remarry or re-partner to form stepfamilies.
While this sounds encouraging, it is
important to remember the United States
still has one of the highest divorce rates in
the world (World Divorce Statistics, 1996–
2005). Seven times more children are
affected by divorce now than at the turn of
the century (Fields, 2003). Children who
commute between separated parents are
now commonplace. One in two children
will live in a single-parent family at some
point in the child’s life, and 1 in 3 children
will be born to unmarried parents