Body Language Secrets A Guide During Courtship & Dating

(^38) BODY LANGUAGE SECRETS
to believe, we humans are animals. To be scientifi-
cally exact, we are:
PHYLUM CHORDATA
CLASS VERTEBRATE
ORDER MAMMAL
FAMILY PRIMATE
GENUS HOMO
SPECIES SAPIENS.
SELECTIVE FOR AGGRESSIVE
Females of every single species of mammal, except
one, refuse to mate with non-aggressive males. That
species is our own, homo sapiens. However, the
aberration is rare. Females who will only mate with
passive males cannot exist in nature any more than
passive males can. Both are unnatural. NOTE 2
Men, you must be aggressive to get things under-
way. Then you have to slow down and court her.
Just be your silly old self and have fun with her un-
til she is persuaded. How do you know that you are
persuading her? Be aware of her body language.
A MINI-SCENARIO OF COURTSHIP
You approach her, an act of aggression. She
smiles, an act of reassurance. You smile back, an act
of reassurance. You say or do something aggressive.
In response, she says or does something submissive,
aggressive or reassuring. The ball's in your court.
If she's aggressive it may be a test of your courage
and worth, or she could be frightened and need to be
reassured you intend no harm. Then again, she may
want you to drop dead. Reluctance requires a bit
more aggression. How much? Depends. Read on.
If she's submissive or has reassured you, don't re-
spond with aggression. It's been established, at least
for the moment, you're the dominant one. Show you
won't hurt or embarrass her by being briefly sub-
missive, a shy smile, a bit of boyish awkwardness.
What Is Courtship?^39
Then be aggressive.
How aggressive? Depends. On what? Your ability
to determine what's needed to be accepted as domi-
nant without chasing her away.
Here's a simple act of aggression to test her level
of interest. Briefly lean into her personal space un-
der any pretense then back out. This is known as an
"advance." If she leans away, you're not welcome, at
least not yet. But if she holds her ground, further
advances may soon be welcome.
AN EXPERT'S PERSPECTIVE
In an interview with Bottom Line, Diane Acker-
man, Ph.D., naturalist and author of A Natural His-
tory of Love answered these questions:
What are the basic conflicts that produce differ-
ences between men and women?
Many of them stem from competing biological
agendas that have been passed along from earli-
est time. Men have always been driven to im-
pregnate as many women as possible in order to
ensure the existence of future generations.
A woman's investment in reproduction has
always been far more demanding. Pregnancy
makes her physically vulnerable, and once she
gives birth, she makes great sacrifices to ensure
the survival of her child and herself. She also ex-
pects one man to stick by her, helping at least
until the baby is born and safely on its feet
To apply this to contemporary life, men are
naturally inclined to avoid being tied down,
whereas women are more likely to think about
relationships in terms of always, forever and
commitment.
Why haven't some of these attitudes changed as
society has changed?
Relative to human history, civilization hap-