128 BODY LANGUAGE SECRETSFrom there it is up to you to have something to talk
about.
In a bookstore, talk about the books you like that
you think women like. For example, body language
intrigues most people. Celebrity bios are pretty
popular with women.
A good self-revealing statement followed by a
question is best. "I came in here to look for a book on
John Wayne and I ended up reading this geeky
stuff. I'm a programmer, can't help it. What were
you looking for?"
As explained in all my books, reveal yourself first,
then ask a question. It is important to have some
safe, general self-revealing lines and a few general
questions for her memorized. That way, the next
time one "accidentally" bumps you, you're ready.
Vince Lombardi and I do not believe in luck.
I can guarantee you that unless you're as suave
as Gary Grant, as handsome as Tom Selleck, or as
manly as Paul Newman, don't attempt humor or a
flirty remark. Start out easy, you can always come
on hard.
EYE CONTACT BASICS
Dennis asked how young women show their inter-
est from across the room.
Steele Sez: Longer than socially appropriate eye
contact indicates interest. Smiles signal, "Come over
here and talk with me. I don't bite."
Your response to her long look is to smile and nod
to acknowledge her existence. That also lets her know
that you are interested. When she smiles back, go
over and talk with her. Use the direct approach when
you get there, "Hi. I'm Dennis. What's your name?"
as you extend your hand to shake with her. There are
about 40 other ways to tell when she's interested.
Body Language Elaboration 129NECK TOUCHING LANGUAGE
This is from a recently divorced guy of 38 who is
starting to "hear" what women say without words.
After reading your super Body Language Secrets,
I have become extremely aware of women's signals.
The woman I was talking with was touching and
fingering the top buttons on her blouse, up by the
neck. Is this the same as touching the necklace, or is
it symbolic undressing?
Steele Sez: Necklace touching most likely. It al-
ways depends on the cluster of gestures surrounding
the signal. I'm glad to hear you are becoming aware
of what women are "saying" without words, but you
are making the mistake everyone does when first
mastering this information. I made it when I began.
The mistake is that you zero in on one signal or ges-
ture and focus on it.
Remember, one signal means nothing. Even two
signals cannot be relied on. You must look for clus-
ters of three or more signals. When she sends you
three signals of interest in a row, that means she's
interested.
Back to a woman fiddling with the top buttons on
her blouse. That usually is a sign that you are com-
ing on too strong or you may be too close physically.
When you notice any sort of neck touching, immedi-
ately but diplomatically change the subject of con-
versation and move slightly back. She was signaling
that she needs reassurance of your motives and sin-
cere interest.
Master the concept of looking for clusters. Learn
to notice one signal, then search for similar signals
that follow the one you noticed.
Fine Point: When she's undecided, she sends
mixed nonverbal signals even though she's smiling.
This means you are doing okay. Keep it lightweight
and superficial while sending nonverbal, positive