© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.woman will not look you over, tally up your positive qualities, and then decide that she wants
you. That’s not how it works. She wants you because of behaviors that you exhibit that
inspire her attraction at a primal level. Later on, after she’s good and infatuated with you,
she’ll back up her decision with a highly positive picture. She’ll remember that image of you later
when her friends and family ask her what she sees in you, or when she thinks she might be
losing you.
It’s your job to be on good behavior, demonstrate these attraction qualities, and stay just
far enough away that it gives her room to take action on her attraction. This doesn’t mean she’ll
be hunting you down and begging you for dates (although in some cases, when you get good,
this can happen). You’ll still need to initiate, but she will now be in a place where the advances
are hoped for and welcome, and she’ll seize them when you put them in front of her.
DEFENSIVE SHIELDS................................................................................................................................
Women come with a set of pre-programmed defensive shields (yes, just like on Star
Trek, for the geeks out there like me) that must be brought down if you are to get into her heart.
Or, ahem, into other areas.
A woman’s first consideration is a worry about physical safety and freedom from harm,
as I’ve stated. She then worries about mental safety – will he hurt me the way my other
boyfriends did?
Defenses are inherent in everyone. We all interact on a certain level of defense –
defending others from the chinks and tarnish in our armor of self-esteem. You see this most
vividly when people interact in a business setting and egos start to come into play. One person
makes a statement that really isn’t meant as an attack on another, but is interpreted by another
person’s defense mechanism as a criticism. Then things escalate as each person digs their
heels in and tunes out what the other person is really saying.
(Come to think of it, this also sounds like most relationship arguments, doesn’t it?)
I’ve found that the best way to overcome the defensive shield posture is to learn how to
genuinely look at things from another person’s perspective, putting your ego aside to really see
things another way. This takes a lot of work on your self-esteem so that you can abandon your
need to impress others or defend your position. It’s not easy, but it is the only True cure for the
issues that come up in almost all relationships – romantic or otherwise. You’ll be able to see the
“why” for almost any situation when you can put aside your own feelings and dented armor. I’m
not suggesting you’ll be able to fix all the issues, but at least you’ll have understanding and a
choice.
PSYCHOLOGICAL POSTURE......................................................................................................................
Posture is another term from sales and other psychological studies. I’m not referring to
your physical slouching (sit up straight!), per se. Posture is a very generic term for your overall
social presence. It is, when all is said and done, the impression left behind with people after