© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.they’ve experienced you, and it also encompasses your ability to command respect in those you
meet. When I say you should have posture, I mean that you need to have the ability to present
yourself on at least equal terms to another person, their personality, ego, and demands.
In the dating dynamic, it’s your ability to feel like you have control over the situations you
enter with women, whether this is asking for the phone number, date behavior, sexual initiation,
whatever. You have to feel like you have some control, and you won’t make as many errors due
to insecurity. When you go out on a date, you need to enter the situation with self-control and
assurance. This assurance comes from the deep-seated belief that you are the one with the
goods – this woman needs something you have.
Posture can be gauged on a scale, like those wide speedometers on old luxury cars. On
the far left (near 0 mph) is your total ambivalence (and just a bit of avoidance) to the situation or
woman. On the right (where your engine is maxxed out), you are hopelessly obsessed,
anticipating and bemoaning every waking minute you’re not near her. In the middle is a
comfortable place for the needle to rest. In this ideal posture zone, you occasionally think about
her, but you know you can also remain detached.
Think of how you felt when you knew someone you were not attracted to had a crush
you: Part of you was flattered, but mostly you couldn’t have cared less. Think of how you treated
her. You were probably cool and a bit aloof, not wanting to instigate further feelings of attraction
on her part. The ironic thing is that this only made her want you more.
The point here is that you should strive to emulate this kind of attitude with every woman
you relate to. The trick is that you practice this cool detachment with a balance of flirtatious
interest, but only enough to give them some doubt about your intentions -- Mystery.
But keep in mind that posture is not just a hardened statue of manliness. On the
contrary, your ability to remain vulnerable and flexible is essential to success. The man that is
rigid and unbending will break (as the Taoist saying about the reed in the wind.) Balance your
firmness with a measure of emotional warmth.
Another possible trap of false posture is the manipulation of a woman’s self-esteem, and
you should avoid this as well. It can be tempting to use a woman’s insecurities against her as a
tool to control her. This is not the correct use of posture.
You’ll know you have posture when you have the will to get up and leave ANY situation
you happen to be in with a woman if it suits you. You’ll be able to pull back from a kiss first, thus
leaving her wanting more. You’ll be able to call her bluffs and tests. You’ll be able to turn her
down for a date because you’re busy. You’ll be able to walk away from a potentially poisonous
woman, no matter how beautiful. You’ll be able to turn her down for sex because you have
alternatives and options – as well as knowing that she needs it more than you.
Posture. She’ll respect you and admire you for keeping it, no matter what. And you’ll
respect and admire yourself, too. Imagine what that will feel like.
SELF-INTEREST.......................................................................................................................................
We are ruled by self-interest. One of the fundamental traits of human beings is that we
are all interested primarily in our own survival and ourselves in general. The more this need is
met for us – feeling adequate, worthy, confident, etc. – the more we are able to reach out