This conflict about feelings produces suffering for some,
bizarre behavior in many, and strange standards for almost every-
one. If you were to sit in a park and cry (letting your feelings out)
for a long enough time, duly appointed representatives of official-
dom eventually would remove you to an institution for examina-
tion and perhaps treatment, despite the fact that you are hurting
no one. Compare this to the drunken driver (who uses alcohol to
keep feelings in) who must cause considerable damage or even
death before being institutionalized. In our society, feelings are ac-
corded little importance, discussion, or consideration. Fears and
hurts lead the parade of feelings that are never discussed, espe-
cially by men.
It feels wonderful to experience passion. Consider the intense
feelings that sports fans allow themselves in connection with their
favorite teams. Supporting your favorite team provides the opportu-
nity for passion without consequence. It’s an impossible stretch of
logic to think that yourcheering and enthusiasm affects the out-
come of the game. If you are a rabid sports fan, consider investing
that same energy into increasing your income, where the payoff is
higher and more rewarding. In your financial life, the expression of
your passion has positive consequence in your bank account.
You Can Choose Your Response to Feelings
Although we try to control our feelings, we really have very little
choice about them. Your response to your feelings is more impor-
tant than the feeling itself. The hero isn’t without fear. Rather,
heroism and cowardice are simply different responsesto fear. Differ-
ent people respond differently to feelings and to stress. The various
responses are usually learned during childhood. Some get a stom-
achache, some become aggressive, and others withdraw and pout.
Consider stress as a sign that your body is providing you with addi-
tional energy to meet some challenge, rather than a sign that some-
thing is wrong. Your body cannot tell the difference between
danger and anxiety. For this reason, it’s sometimes necessary to
look more closely than usual at emotional responses to reassure
yourself that there is no danger.
Our feelings defy logic. That feelings are not logical does not in-
validate them, however. Balance is essential. Logic without emotion
causes results just as devastating as emotion without logic. Some-
times we feel sad when we receive what we want, sad when we lose
You Can Choose Your Response to Feelings 123