“Sure,” she said, smiling politely. She gave me a nice hug and then got in her car.
“I’ll call you,” I said. She smiled one last time and drove off.
That was the last time I saw her.
I emailed her the day after that date, and she responded telling me that I was a great guy
but she didn’t see the relationship going anywhere. The typical “let him down easy”
email.
I had no idea what had gone wrong. I was so sure that this relationship was a foregone
conclusion based on our initial meeting. It wasn’t until I understood the concept of
Rapport that I was able to pinpoint how this situation deteriorated.
All rapport basically is, is a feeling of sympathetic understanding. It’s the sense of
connection with another human being.
If you can think of your best friend, and think of how easy it is to talk to that person and
the positive feelings you enjoy when you’re around them, that’s basically what rapport
feels like.
Rapport is essential in any relationship. Without rapport, communication becomes
awkward, or non-existent.
Most of the time, when people describe “hitting it off” with a girl, what they’re really
saying is they gained rapport very quickly with a woman.
In a sense, you share an “understanding” with the person you experience rapport with,
and this understanding generates a connection and feeling of comfort.
But there’s more to rapport than just “understanding.” There’s the idea of “sympathy” as
well, and this is a concept about rapport that many people don’t understand.
If you’re experiencing “sympathetic understanding” when you have rapport with a
woman, that means that you have an “emotional” connection.
And when you have an emotional connection, you have the ability to influence that
person’s emotions based on your own emotions.
When I first met Carrie, I was in true Approach Mode. I had high energy, I was feeling
good and confident, and I was detached from any outcome. I was just out to have fun,
and when I gained rapport with her, she had fun too.
But when I went to meet her on the date, my emotional state changed. Instead of high
energy, I felt nervous energy. Instead of feeling good and confident, I was stressed and
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