I guess it started when I was young and began to gain weight. I had asthma as a kid and
could play in sports, so I quickly puffed up and never really was able to shed the baby fat
(which quickly morphed into “adult fat”) that I had.
As my appearance got worse, my self-esteem got even more worse, and before long, I
was a fat, ugly loser who couldn’t even talk to a girl, let alone have sex with her!
And boy-o-boy, did I really want to have sex.
My freshman year had come and gone, and with it, every promise of opportunity for
romance. I’d dated some in high school, but nothing special had happened to me there.
Now that I was in college, I was hoping things were different. But so far, my ineptitude
with women was showing, and I felt helpless to do anything about it.
So while all my friends were out partying and hooking up with the honnies, I was in my
room looking at internet porn on the dorm’s high-speed internet (a pastime I’m almost
positive my mother would not approve of!).
One night, my roommate is getting ready to go out, and a girl shows up at our door. It
was his date. She wasn’t a supermodel or anything, but it was more than what I had at
the time (ie: big fat nothing). He invited me to go out with him and his girl to some frat
party, but I was too nervous to accept, so I politely turned him down.
After he left, I was feeling rather depressed. I knew I should have accepted his offer, but
for some reason the site of his date made me incredibly insecure, and I just couldn’t bring
myself to do it.
So I did what I always did when I was depressed.
I ate.
I called up Papa John’s and ordered a pepperoni pizza. Then proceeded to sit down and
watch TV, images of my roommate’s date still dancing in my head.
So it came to be around 12:30 at night, my roommate was still out, and there I was, alone
in my closet-sized dorm room, gorging on pizza, and watching a rerun of Three’s
Company on Nick at Night.
When Suzanne Summers came on the screen, I felt a strange tingle in my pants and knew
that I was getting aroused at the site of this blonde actress in her prime.
So I did what any red-blooded guy would do when the tingle visits. I began to
masturbate!
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