They think that if the girl gets to know them better before they make their move, that
they’ll have a better shot of hooking up with her.
The sad reality is, this rarely happens. And when it does happen, it happens because the
woman had already decided she was attracted to him in some way.
What usually happens is the guy removes himself from the selection process the woman
uses to select a boyfriend, or someone she’d be attracted to, and places himself in a
different category, one where he’s at a specific disadvantage because he can’t reveal his
true intentions without revealing he deceived her.”
“So you’re saying women look for different traits in a friend of theirs than a guy they’d
want to date?” asked Eric.
“Sometimes,” I said. “See, a guy a woman is willing to date will become her friend
naturally, because chances are he’ll have traits that would make him a good friend. But
there’s also that factor which makes him attractive, that sexual tension, and that’s a trait
her friends don’t have. You ever have a woman you liked call you up to complain about
a guy she was dating?”
“Yeah, all the time,” Eric grimaced.
“We all have,” I said. “They call up to talk to you about the problems she’s having with
the guy because she likes you and trusts you as a friend. But do you ever ask yourself
why she just doesn’t talk to the guy she’s seeing about the problems she’s having?”
“Not really.”
“It’s because there’s too much at stake for her to do that,” I said. “Friends are people you
can trust to be discreet and give you advice. If she went to the guy she was dating with
her problems, she’d be dealing with her own insecurities about the relationship and his
insecurities as well, and run the risk of destroying the sexual tension they have.
Relationships are very important to women, that’s why they keep their romantic interests
so heavily segmented from their friends.”
“And that’s why once you become a friend, you can’t cross over into the relationship
category?” said Eric.
“Exactly,” I said. “If they blur the lines as to who can be considered their friend and who
can be considered their lover, it gets confusing and stressful. They’ve shared stuff with
their friends they don’t want their lover to know. They know stuff about their friends
they don’t want to know about their lover. They’re used to acting a certain way around a
guy who’s their friend that is hard to adjust when they become romantically interested.”
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