“Bingo. So it becomes a vicious cycle. He ends up with exactly the type of woman he
didn’t want, because he tried to segment his best qualities from the attraction equation.”
“So by that logic, I’m actually pushing away the women I want by trying not to be funny
all the time, and attracting the women I don’t want?” asked Marty.
“That’s a distinct possibility,” I said. “See, everyone has their own talents and strengths,
even if they don’t know it. Sometimes a person’s strength is making money, sometimes
it’s making people laugh, sometimes its getting a really high score on a videogame. It
doesn’t matter what it is, but its there.
My personal strength is my intelligence. I’m not the smartest guy in the world by a long
shot, but I’m interested in many different things, so I’m able to talk about anything with a
woman. That’s my strength – I’m curious about the world I live in, and can be passionate
about certain topics. So I try to apply that to the women I date instead of segmenting it
away from myself.
If you approached your dates differently and allowed yourself to relax and be funny,
instead of having to segment your humor, you might find that you not only have more
successful dates, but the women you meet will tend to be funny and fun as well.”
After that dinner, Marty said he was going to take my advice the next opportunity he got.
A few weeks later, I got an email from him telling me about a girl he met at his last show,
and how well the date went after relaxing and allowing himself to be funny.
The thing Marty didn’t understand – and the thing lots of men don’t understand – is that
our personality is holistic. You can’t be one thing and not be another.
Most men feel that they want to find a woman who likes them despite their gifts and
talents. My response to that is always “Why?”
Your gifts and talents make you who you are. No one is ever attracted to boring or
negative qualities, and yet time and time again, those are the traits men put forward
looking for a woman who will accept them.
Let me be clear: That Doesn’t Happen!
If you find a woman who likes you for your boring or negative traits and qualities, you’re
going to have a woman who is either...
- A Saint (in which case, the sex will be horrible if you ever wind up having it)
- Someone who is boring and negative themselves.
Either way, you’re screwed.
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