“Exactly. And where do you think that fear comes from?”
“I don’t know. I’d say fear of rejection, but it seems like you’d say its lack of experience
with sex.”
“Well, it could be a bit of both, but you’re right. Its lack of experience with sex. You
know that at a certain point with a girl, if you want to take it to the next level, sex is
going to be involved – otherwise you’d just hang out with your buddies all day long and
forget about women.
When it comes time – where you KNOW you have to initiate sex – you get nervous,
afraid. You start to worry about acting like a fool, or doing something wrong. You
mentioned the Forty Year Old Virgin before. Do you remember the part in that movie
where we flashback and see all his failed sexual experiences in the past?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Those types of possibilities flash through your head, and you want to try to avoid them.
So you chicken out. When you do that, you place the responsibility for sex on the
woman you’re with, and unless she is very aggressive and horny, she won’t act on it,
because she’s looking to you to take the lead.”
“So what do I do? How do I fix that?” asked Kevin.
“Have sex!” I said. “Discover what it’s like so you don’t have to be afraid any more.
Understand that your virginity isn’t something special. It’s actually something that holds
you back from experiencing happiness. Instead of chickening out, face your fear and go
through with it, knowing you’re going to make mistakes.”
“But I was saving that for someone I’m in love with,” said Kevin. “I don’t just want to
run around having sex with every woman I meet.”
“Fair enough,” I said. “But ask yourself what you’re saving for the person you love.
You’re saving an awkward, clumsy experience filled with fear and uncertainty. And if
that’s what you experience, imagine what the woman you’re with will experience. She’ll
probably be even more nervous than you, because she’ll love you but won’t be satisfied
with the sex. And I don’t care what you hear, that’s a big factor in whether a woman will
stay faithful to you.”
“So you’re saying I should have sex and gain experience, so when I do find the person I
love, I’ll know what I’m doing?” asked Kevin.
“Exactly,” I replied. “See, right now you’re notion of ‘special’ is based around your
experience. It’s YOUR virginity. YOU want it to be special. That’s a selfish way of
looking at things. What about the woman you love? Your focus should be on making it
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