Chapter 5: Pushing the Communication Buttons 81
Generalisation
You make a generalisation when you transfer the conclusions you came to
from one experience to other similar situations or occurrences. Imagine that
you gave a very good speech that was well received. Afterwards, you may
form a generalisation that you’re good at public speaking.
Generalisations can be useful; they help you to build a cognitive map of the
world. If you didn’t generalise, for example, you’d need to relearn the alpha-
bet and how to put together individual letters every time you read a book.
Generalisations allow you to build on what you already know, without rein-
venting the wheel.
They can be limiting, though. The beliefs you hold about your world are
generalisations and you delete and distort to the best of your ability to hold
them in place. So, in other words, your generalisations can become restric-
tive because they can make you less likely to accept or trust actions and
events that don’t fit with your preconceived notions.
This tendency can in turn lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. Confidence and
self-doubt are two sides of a coin. When you feel confident about doing some-
thing, the chances are that you’re usually successful because you expect a
positive result. Even on the odd occasion when things don’t work out quite
as you’d wanted, you move on. If you’re riddled with self doubt, however,
and convinced something isn’t going to work out or no one’s going to talk to
you when you go to an event, a very high chance exists that your experience
goes on to reflect your beliefs. Do you experience a slight disappointment
when someone or a situation fails to meet your worst expectations? And
do you feel a little triumphant when you’re duly disappointed? Sometimes,
having your negative generalisation confirmed is more satisfying than a situa-
tion going better than expected. How self-defeating is that!
Getting to grips with individual responses
When different people are exposed to the same external stimuli, they don’t
remember the event, and react to it, in the same way. The difference is
because all people delete, distort, and generalise differently based on their
own meta programs, values, beliefs, attitudes, memories, and decisions: we
discuss these aspects in the next few sections.
Meta programs
Meta programs, which we describe in more detail in Chapter 8, are filters.
They are the way in which you reveal your patterns of behaviour through
your language. For instance, someone who’s inclined to take charge and get
things done (meaning that they display more proactive tendencies) may be
heard to say, ‘Don’t give me excuses, just give me results.’ Whereas someone
who’s likely to take their time to think things over before acting (a reactive