Neuro Linguistic Programming

240 Part IV: Using Words to Entrance

Although the early work came from the field of psychotherapy – because they

wanted to enrich the skills of ‘people helpers’ – the models shed light equally

well for non-professionals in ordinary situations, where they’re simply talking

with friends, family, and colleagues.

The Meta Model offers a series of questions that enable you to overcome

the deletions, generalisations, and distortions that people make. Most likely,

you’re going to recognise some of the questions, because they’re the ones

you naturally ask when you want to clarify meaning. But perhaps you haven’t

thought about them consciously before. Asked in a gentle way and with rap-

port, these questions let you gather more information to define a clearer

picture of what’s really meant. By working with this model you can reconnect

with the experiences that get lost in language.

Table 15-1 summarises some of the different ways in which you can delete,

generalise, and distort an experience through the language you adopt. Don’t

worry about the names of the NLP patterns just yet; the important part is

that you begin to tune your ears into what people say. As you discover how

to spot the main Meta Model patterns that you prefer, and that others favour

too, you’re in a great position to respond appropriately. We also offer in

Table 15-1 some suggestions of what to say when you respond, in order to

gather the missing information that helps you to be sure of understanding

what the other person really means.

Table 15-1 Meta Model Patterns

NLP Meta Model

Patterns

Examples of Patterns

You May Hear

Questions to Help Gather

Information or Expand

the Other Person’s

Viewpoint

Deletion

Simple deletion I’ve been out

Help!

Where specifically have

you been?

What do you want help

with?

Unspecified verbs She annoyed me How specifically did she

annoy you?

Comparisons She’s better than I am Better at what than you?

Judgements You’re wrong Who says so and what

are the facts?

Nominalisations Our relationship isn’t

working

Change is easy

How do we not relate to

each other?

Changing what is easy?