164 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
GROWING APART
In the same way that you can outgrow clothing, you can sometimes outgrow
certain friends. People who were best friends in fifth grade may rarely talk to
each other in seventh grade. People who didn’t have much in common in sixth
grade may become best friends in eighth. And people who were friends way
back in elementary school may suddenly renew a friendship in high school.
Why do some of your friendships change like this? There’s a simple expla-
nation: it’s because you probably change more during your preteen and teen
years than at any other time in your life. And so many changes happening so
quickly are bound to affect your friendships.
Try on a favorite shirt from last summer, and you may be disappointed that
it’s too tight, but you probably won’t be shocked. You certainly won’t “blame”
the shirt for not fitting anymore, because you’re used to this kind of growing
and you’ve come to expect it. But there’s another kind of growing that happens
to you on an emotional level, and it’s not always obvious to others or even to
yourself. You may not realize you’ve changed, until you start reacting to old
friends in totally new ways.
You’re on an emotional ride toward adulthood, and as the years go by,
you’ll start seeing the world differently and experiencing all sorts of new feel-
ings. These changes help you move forward in life. As you grow up, you’ll start
relating to your parents in new ways. You’ll become more of an individual with
your own values, opinions, and point of view.
As for friendship, you may spend years with the same people doing the
same stuff after school and every weekend. Then one day, you may find that
these activities no longer seem fun. Or maybe something your friend does,
which used to seem cool, now irritates you. Or suddenly your best friend, who
always called you a few times each day, isn’t calling anymore. While this may be
confusing, it’s completely normal. The young adult you’re becoming just has
less in common with the kid you used to be.
What can you do about all these changes? Not a lot—except admit that
you’re changing. Talk about your feelings with your friends and listen to what
they have to say. Do you still share some interests? If so, continue doing those
activities together. If you both feel the friendship is over for now, acknowledge
the good times you had and part on good terms.