200 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
COMPETITION
If you’ve ever seen a litter of puppies pushing and shoving each other to get
closer to their mother’s milk, you know it’s natural to want to make sure that
you get your share. But sometimes the competition may get so extreme between
you and your siblings that you start comparing every little thing, as if you were
keeping score in a never-ending tournament. Maybe this behavior has been
going on so long that you’re tired of it; perhaps you’d like to change things, but
you don’t know how to break the competition “habit.” Habits are automatic
behaviors (you do them without thinking), and understanding the reason
behind any behavior is the first step in changing it.
Most sibling competition stems from jealousy, which often carries with it
the feeling of “If there’s more for that person, there’s less for me.” Ever since you
and your brother/sister became siblings, you’ve been forced to share things,
which may or may not include a bedroom, a bathroom, food, clothing, the
phone, the car, the dog, and so on. You may argue a lot over who gets what, but
surprisingly, you probably aren’t fighting about stuffat all (even though it may
look that way when you’re wrestling over the remote control). Deep down, the
confrontation is about love.
Maybe this comes as a surprise, but it’s true. On some level, you and your
siblings have always competed for the love and attention of your parents, or
whoever is raising you. And striving to get your fair share of love is what causes
all the other kinds of competition. A typical argument between siblings might
sound like this: “It’s totally unfair the way you always get more (attention, free-
dom, love, allowance, whatever) than me!” Followed by...“I do not!”
“You do, too!!”“Do not!!!”
“DO TOO!!!!”
Maybe you’d like to stop arguing and learn how to live with your siblings
peacefully. You can begin by forgetting the idea that life is “fair.” If fair means
“Everybody gets treated equally,” then life is definitely notfair. In life, everyone
gets a different deal. One deal isn’t necessarily betterthan the others, just differ-
ent. Your personality, the personalities of your parents and siblings, and the