232 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
A conflict-resolution plan
Problem: You’re feeling too emotional to talk
about the situation rationally.
How to Handle It: Cool off before trying to
resolve anything (step #1 tells you how).Step #1: Calm down. It’s very difficult to work out a conflict when you’re
really angry or upset. If you feel less-than-friendly toward the other person,
spend some time by yourself beforesaying anything. Cool off, so you’ll be able
to think more clearly. It may help to do a breathing exercise. Here’s how:- Close your eyes.
- Take several deep breaths, inhaling slowly through your nose
and exhaling slowly through your mouth. - Concentrate on your breath as it enters and leaves your body.
- Repeat this exercise for a few minutes or until you feel calmer.
Are you ready to talk now? If not, take some more slow, deep breaths and
think about the word “relax.” If you’re still too upset to talk, go outdoors and
do something physical. Take a walk or run, swim, bike, do push-ups—anything
that will get your body in motion. Exerting yourself physically redirects your
energy in a positive way. If you can’t get outside, find a quiet room and spend
some time by yourself. Or put on headphones and listen to music. Draw, write,
or do whatever else helps you calm down.Problem: Everybody’s yelling.
How to Handle It: Take turns calmly talking
about your feelings (step #2 tells you how).Step #2: Talk to each other using “I messages” instead of “You
messages.”Listen to the difference between the sets of statements that follow:- “You make me so mad.”
- “You always do this, and it’s so unfair.”
- “You are impossible to talk to! You never listen!”