Conflict Resolution Tool Kit 235
Here’s how to do it: start by telling your parents, for example, that you’d like
to talk to them about curfew (or whatever issue you’re in conflict about). This
announcement will show them you’re serious, and they’ll notice the maturity
you’ve demonstrated by initiating a discussion. After everyone involved agrees
to the idea, you can follow the step-by-step family-meeting plan below.
A family-meeting plan
Step #1: Schedule the meeting. Pick a time when everyone is calm and in
a relatively good mood. In some families, that time might be difficult to find,
but be patient, persistent, and specific:
“Would right after dinner on Thursday be okay?”
“How about Saturday afternoon at four?”Keep suggesting times until you can all agree to one. Then mark your cal-
endar and make sure everyone remembers the appointment.
Step #2: Set some rules for the meeting.Many families discover that
some of their communication habits don’t work well during a family meeting.
For example, perhaps you, or others in your family, are used to cutting some-
one off when he/she is talking, and then contradicting or invalidating what’s
being said. Those kinds of habits can derail a family meeting before it even
gets going.
So, at the beginning of the meeting, it’s a good idea to set up some ground
rules. Families are free to develop their own rules, but here are some general
ones to get you started:
- Take turns talking. Your family may even choose to pass an object of some
sort—also known as “the talking stick”—to the current speaker, who holds on
to it until he/she is finished. In my own family, we use a wooden spoon for
this purpose. - Listen attentively without interrupting. This shows respect, an important
ingredient in healthy communication.