234 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
You might want to invite someone else to mediatethe discussion, or help it
go more smoothly and peacefully. This person has to be trustworthy, impartial,
and fair (perhaps a counselor, an adult friend, or a peer mediator at school). It
never helps if the outside person starts taking sides or expresses his/her own
viewpoint: a conflict is complex enough without another person jumping in!Problem: You’re sure the same conflict will occur again.
How to Handle It: Agree to work at keeping the peace
(step #5 tells you how).Step #5: Brainstorm peace-keeping solutions. What compromises have
been made? Does everyone feel comfortable with the way the conflict has been
resolved? How do you plan to handle this problem if it comes up again? Keep
talking and take turns offering ideas for handling future conflicts. Have each
person answer this question out loud: what could I do the next time something
like this comes up? Be as honest as possible. If you’d like, write down these
ideas and make sure everyone involved gets a copy.
It takes two (or more) people to make and break a relationship—and also
to patch things up. To resolve a conflict, everyone involved needs to cooperate.
If you can’t get this cooperation no matter how hard you try, the best you can
do is to take responsibility for your part in the conflict, apologize, forgive your-
self, and move on. Use what you’ve learned from the situation to build healthier
relationships in the future.FAMILY MEETINGS
Sometimes you have conflicts with certain people that cover all-too-familiar
territory (“This same old argument again?!”)—especially with parents and
siblings, which isn’t too surprising since you’ve spent so many years together.
When problems don’t get resolved as they occur, they may turn into boomerang
issues (they just keep coming back). But here’s some news for you: you can
handle all those recurring arguments in a new way and be done with them for
good! How? By holding a family meeting.