What Are Boyfriend /Girlfriend Relationships All About? 51
ASKING SOMEONE OUT
Suppose you’ve found the courage to start a conversation with someone you
like, and the two of you have become friends. Maybe now you like this person
even more than before. What’s your next move? You can ask him/her out.
Before you do this, be clear in your mind about what “going out” means.
People in various parts of the country (and the world) have different words to
describe phases of dating and relationships, but the explanations are essentially
the same. Depending on where you live, asking someone to “go out” could
mean (1) you like each other and you may or may not be willing to let other
people know it, (2) you hang out together at lunch and in between classes,
exchange notes, talk to each other on the phone, and send email, (3) you go
places together as a couple within a larger group of friends, or (4) you go places
as a couple, just the two of you—also called “dating.” Some teens may “go out
with” (or “go with”) someone for only a few days, or hours, before the rela-
tionship ends.
Asking the person you like out on a real dateinvolves more of an emo-
tional risk. Planning the date is part of getting to know each other better, and
the date itself is a way to find out whether you enjoy spending time together
outside of school. In the planning stages, you have to decide whether to go to
a movie or some other place, and you might have to get parental permission.
You also need to decide on transportation and who pays for what. In other
words, going on a real date takes more planning than simply writing notes or
hanging out at school.
Going on a date with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in a roman-
tic relationship. Lots of people go on one date and choose not to go out
together again, for whatever reason. To confuse matters, just because you’re dat-
ing someone doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t also be dating other people.
The important thing to remember is to keep the lines of communication open.
Without making agreements about the relationship (for example, is it all right
to see other people?), misunderstandings happen and feelings get hurt.
When two people have an agreement that neither of them will date anyone
else, it’s considered to be an exclusiverelationship. In this type of relationship,
the couple might go out on dates or just spend time together. Again, the ground
rules for flirting or being sexual with someone outside of the relationship must
be agreed upon ahead of time, so there’s no confusion. If you’re not ready for a