70 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
anyone else and one of you does, that’scheating. Being dishonest in this way
shows a lack of respect for your romantic partner and the relationship, too. And
doing something you know is wrong can make you lose respect for yourself.
If either person in a romantic relationship is unfaithful to the other, it’s
going to create problems. So why dopeople cheat, especially when it can be so
hurtful to the person they care about? People cheat for lots of reasons, but
mostly because they don’t have the maturity or integrity to do the right thing in
spite of what they’re feeling, physically and emotionally.
The world is filled with attractive people, and there’s nothing wrong with
noticing them. Sometimes it’s confusing when you feel turned on by someone
who you aren’t dating. Does it mean you don’t like or love your bf/gf anymore?
Not necessarily. Just because you feelattracted to someone else doesn’t mean
you have to doanything about it. (Review the differences between feelings of
love and lust on pages 41– 47.)
If you’ve never cheated before but you’re considering it, stop and ask your-
self these questions:- Am I happy in my current relationship? Why or why not?
- If I cheat, how will my boyfriend/girlfriend feel when he/she finds out?
- If I’m unfaithful, how will I feel about myself?
- How would I feel if someone did this to me?
- How will other people feel about me if they find out I cheated?
- Do I want to be known as a cheater?
If you havebroken your agreements by seeing other people and you want to
save the relationship, ask yourself these questions:- Why did I betray my boyfriend/girlfriend? Maybe you’re not sure why
you did it, but if you look deeply enough, you can find the reason. Were you
trying to get back at your bf/gf for some past hurt? Were you proving to your-
self that you’re attractive to other people? Were you under the influence of alco-
hol or another drug at the time? Think about the reasons behind your choice. - Did I cheat to get out of my relationship? Sometimes, without really
understanding why, people sabotage or wreck their relationships. Cheating as a
“shortcut” to breaking up isn’t honest, and hurting your bf/gf is nevera solu-
tion. Instead, talk about your feelings, even if it feels uncomfortable to do so.