82 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
Jackie and Shawn have an agreement not to get involved
romantically with other people. Jackie went to a party
without Shawn and kissed someone else. She didn’t tell
Shawn because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Shawn heard about the kiss but didn’t ask Jackie about
it, because he was afraid it might be true.Does this relationship have open communication? No. If it did, Jackie
would have talked to Shawn about what she did and why. As for Shawn, he
knows something’s not right, but unless he talks openly with Jackie, the prob-
lem can’t be fixed.Whenever Kevin is in a bad mood and his girlfriend,
Janna, asks him what’s wrong, he snaps, “I don’t want
to talk about it.”Janna is frustrated that Kevin won’t
share his feelings with her.Is there open communication here? Not really. While Janna might under-
stand that everyone needs some private time, it’s frustrating for her to feel so
shut out. If Kevin doesn’t learn to open up, this relationship probably won’t
grow in healthy ways. With open communication, Kevin could learn to talk
about his feelings, and Janna could give him the support he needs.Most problems in romantic relationships result from poor communication
or none at all. It’s easy to sayyou’re going to communicate better, but doing so
is another thing altogether. Many people simply aren’t comfortable talking
about their feelings—even with family members. To open up may feel a bit
strange, and you may not know exactly how to express yourself. So how can you
improve your communication with your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Recognizing that you need open communication is an excellent place to
start. Understanding how poor communication creates problems is also impor-
tant. Watch for the warning signs of a communication breakdown—do you
grow apart, fight more, or feel tempted to cheat or break up? Share what you’re
feeling, even if it seems weird or embarrassing at first. To find out what to say
and how to listen when you’re working on a relationship problem, check out
Chapter 9, “Conflict Resolution Tool Kit,” on pages 229–237.