The Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along

84 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating

Dear Girls Who’ll Say Anything,

It may seem as though only boys have a hard time expressing feelings, but some girls find this

to be a challenge, too. In our society, males are taught that “boys don’t cry” and showing

“tenderhearted” emotions like sadness isn’t considered masculine. In the same way, females

are taught that showing anger isn’t feminine. These mistaken beliefs hold everyone back!

Men and women, boys and girls allbenefit from expressing emotions honestly.

As humans, we experience many emotions every day—embarrassment, sadness, love,

happiness, shyness, insecurity, anger, compassion, frustration, and so on. When we don’t

express our feelings, we lose touch with them and part of what makes us fully human.

If you want the guys in your life to talk more openly about their feelings, tell them so.

You might say, “It helps me feel close to you when I know what’s going on with you. You’re

such a great listener when I have problems, and I want to be there for you in the same way.”

Don’t pressure or lay guilt trips on your boyfriends over this issue. Words like, “What’s wrong

with you? Why don’t you ever talk about your feelings? Don’t you trust me?!” never help.

Talking about feelings is scary for some people. Be patient and continue being open your-

self—this may encourage your boyfriends to do the same. Also, if you treat your boyfriends

with respect and really listen to what they have to say, they’ll feel safer sharing their feelings.

Be persistent!

In friendship,

Terra

REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS

People change and so do their needs and their relationships. Sometimes new

feelings lead to the change. Other times, relationships shift when people move

on. Life presents changes and challenges all the time. You may not have control

over what happens, but you always have choicesabout how you handle things.

“Redefining” a relationship may mean becoming romantically involved with

someone who was previously just a friend, or could mean breaking up with a

romantic partner. Relationship changes may force the people involved to be more

honest and trusting, to treat each other with more respect, and to communicate

more openly. So don’t be afraid of change. Use it as a chance to figure out what

you really want and need right now. Then make sure you communicate this.