means humility, conscientiousness and attentiveness; and softness of speech
means wisdom given in measured words; if he has nothing of worth to say, he
says little.
As a safeguard for you and your family, you, the husband, should clearly
demonstrate your submission to a man of virtue who is held in high esteem
by the community; someone your wife sees you turning to for guidance when
perplexity comes knocking at your door. Under this traditional patriarchal
structure or better said, divine order, she will feel safe and secure with your
husbandry.
The caveat here is that a man without an Imam is a dangerous fellow
because of his lack of communal accountability. Women know this
instinctively and will remain unsettled or restless in their nests until
this Divine order of governance is established in your life.Therefore, when problems occur that are beyond your ability to solve, she
needs to see that you seek the counsel of the wise. This calls you to a life of
prayer and authentic companionship with wise and capable men rather than
those preoccupied with ritual or the typical one-ups-manship of business,
sectarianism or tribalism’s competitive delusion! Prayer is not only an act of
ritual cathartic obeisance, it is also the performance of the Will of God after
contemplation and meditation ( taffakur ) upon His precepts; meaning the
application of adab to Islam’s deen which begins in the home.
When your wife observes your effort(s) in this direction, it allows her the
peace of mind she requires in order to submit to your authority even when
you fail, and fail you will. Bearing in mind that success is only born of the
trials presented by failure, men who do not admit to failure or to faults are
guilty of pride and no one but Allah knows either how proud or humble you
are better than your wife and your parents. Therefore, if you desire the
perfection of her charms and that she submits to you willingly, piously,
courageously and without reservation – especially on those occasions in
which you may not explain your directives for unusual motives or requests
(such as when Ibrahim left Hajar in the valley of Makkah) – this approach to
Spiritual Leadership is absolutely required.