on Allah and increase her iman! The romance that follows in the wake of
such husbandry and counsel is a delight that rivals Paradise.
FOUR^ Every wife has a deep need to be understood^
It is the husband’s responsibility to protect his wife from failure. She needs to
know that you understand her well enough to shield her from over-reaching
her limitations. This means you must set her boundaries proactively out of
concern rather than the neglectful reaction that always follows an error you
should have avoided! To do this, you must help her to understand her
strengths and weaknesses, and give firm but loving guidance. For example,
you should stop her from taking any position for which she is not qualified or
one that would be detrimental to your household’s peaceful integrity. She
may test you in this area, so do not give or permit whatever she may ask
without careful consideration. It is advisable to postpone judgment on the
matter, even if it means feigning consideration of the request! If you grant
her every desire, she will become insecure because you lack the courage to say
no! If you do not stand your ground, you will generate a petulant shrew that
becomes a beautiful pebble in your shoe.
It is of the utmost importance for you to realize that if another man
understands her more than you do, she will be susceptible to his advances!
So it is wise to study your wife and learn to read her well, so that you may
honor her strengths and protect her from her limitations. This is a serious
responsibility and should you ignore this warning, she will feel neglected,
taken for granted, and not truly appreciated; all of which are open doors to
divorce or even adultery for which she would be blamed, when in fact, it is
you who invited the grievous default or sin by failing in your responsible
diligence as her imam.
FIVE^ Your wife needs you to enjoy intimate
conversations with her.^
Intimate communication with her husband is a wife’s most basic need and has
everything to do with your covenant’s confirmation. The touching of tongue
to hear is where hearts dance the tango. This converse mixes the mortar that
joins and holds the bricks in place as you build your Mosque together. You
are the brick mason who mixes the cement of your sincerity and guidance