Chapter 6. Dirty fears that stop you
Fear is a distressing emotion caused by anticipation OR awareness of danger. Your
ability to experience fear is part of your basic survival mechanism. Fear is the
emotion that enables you to recognize danger and you usually react by fleeing from
the danger or confronting it. This is known as the fight or flight response. There’s
also a third possible reaction which is the freeze response. This is where your mind
and body slow down and you’re unable to react. Fear is completely natural and helps
people recognise and respond to dangerous situations and threats.
Fear is a negative and uncomfortable emotion. When fear’s present you are unable
to feel motivated (a positive and uplifting emotion). Fear saps your energy, whereas
motivation creates energy. When you want something and are unable to go after it,
it’s often because your fear is much stronger than your desire. Have you ever
wanted to leave a job or relationship, but fear has held you back? We all experience
fear at some time in our lives. Common forms of fear include fear of failure,
rejection, loneliness, loss, being powerful, not being powerful etc. The list goes on
and on. The biggest issue with fear is that fear often stops you from going out there
and getting what you want.
Fear is a feeling. You may invalidate your feelings by thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling
scared.” Don’t do this. Every feeling is real. Acknowledge them and then go ahead
and do what you want to do despite the fear. You can pack the fear in your bag and
take it with you on your journey. An empowered person may say something like,
“I’m terrified of getting up and speaking in public BUT I’m going to learn how to do it
anyway.” This statement acknowledges the feeling and makes the decision to go
ahead anyway. It’s a myth that fears stop you. The reality is that YOU allow this to
happen; you choose to remain stuck and blame it on the fear.
Martha Beck distinguishes between clean fear and dirty fear. Clean fear is
experienced when you’re facing actual danger. Clean fear reminds you not to put
your hands in boiling water, or to run in front of a bus. Many years ago a man walked
into my study with a gun – clean fear put me into freeze mode which ensured my
survival. Clean fear is appropriate fear.
The amazing thing is that your mind and body can’t distinguish between clean (real)
fear and dirty (imagined) fear. Your brain is an amazing movie-maker: you’re able to
instantaneously picture large vibrant scenes accompanied by sounds, smells and