Self-Realization and Other Awakenings

and edit Robert’s books, who was to tape record, who
was to coordinate bringing food and deserts for
Satsang and our bi-monthly parties, who was going to
be spokesperson, what chants were to be played at
Satsang, advertising, writing magazine articles, etc.
Everyone wanted to help and everyone had their own
ideas of how something should be done. There was
not a lot of surrender to the way things were, nor was
there much surrender to the totality of the ideal of the
greater good of the community or Robert as a person.
Everyone just wanted to be closer to Robert; have his
Darshan, his remarkable presence of peace, emptiness
and utter acceptance; but in the larger sense, they did
not want to pay the price of inner work, supporting
the guru; and of surrender, which is the crux of the
teacher/student relationship---at least for me.
But getting close to Robert was difficult. His time
was limited and he had a few close students he met
with for lunch every week, which limited access to him
except at Satsang. In such situations, cliques almost
always form, although his closest students all really
got along with him: Mary, Lee, Dana and I.
Unfortunately, many came to Robert, and in their
attempt to get close, would try to “poison” Robert’s
mind against one or another of us; or even set up a
clique within the Sangha and approach Robert with
some project or another in order to gain more access.