Self-Realization and Other Awakenings

I am the Void, deep calm, I am Ed, I am
depression. I am the container and the contained, and
it is all me, yet strangely, it does not touch me much.
It just is.
I could choose to identify with Ed, with the Void,
with the depression, or everything at once, the
oneness. But I am letting the identification choose
itself. Yesterday it was with my body and the sense of
presence; today it is with the totality embraced by the
Void. From this identification viewpoint, Ed and the
body do not really exist. They are like phantoms
suspended in emptiness.
Fortunately, all my medical reports are done and I
do not have anything to do except write this and feed
my cats.
COMMENT TO ME:
Edji, is it really not sticking to some degree? And
how can you say the depression does not touch you
much when it goes on for days and days?
It may be coming and going, or flowing through
you, but you have been depressed a lot since you
realized Little Red was dying. There has been [what
seems to be] a kind of emotional self-indulgence,
definitely beyond any description written by a jnani
that I have ever read.