238 the rice diet renewal
complete my senior year. I had not experienced freedom in a
long time, and just the thought gave me a shot of adrenaline
that I needed to keep going. Freedom was not the only thing
I resonated about. Fear of failure and the disastrous relation-
ship I had with my parents made me think that these were
insurmountable obstacles that I would not only have to face
but conquer. As I traveled thousands of miles back across
that ocean, as I had done two years earlier, an orchestra of
memories fi lled my head and heart.
On June 3, 1983, at the foot of the sphinx, I graduated high
school. I had made it, somehow. Someone got me through it.
In the back of my mind, I beckoned the thought, Could it
be God?
The next six months passed quickly, like a racing river
fl owing downstream. My father put in for retirement, and
the family moved to Florida. While living at home with Mom
and Dad, the prevailing winds of circumstances began to
awaken within me. I applied to a college in North Carolina and
began my freshman year. My thirst to stay healthy was not
enough to sustain my appearance of normalcy. The deep - seated
pain could no longer be controlled. In secret, I would perform
the ritual of “ cutting ” to offset the emotional pain. A psychiatrist
was added to my schedule list for the next two years.
Florida State University was the next thing on my agenda:
fi nish my last two years in college and receive my four - year
degree. My emotional state was acceptable. I decided to
attend a church, which gave me a chance to forget myself
and focus on God. It brought peace and unexpected hope
that I would make it again. To my surprise, God provided me
with an umbrella that sheltered me from emotional disaster
and provided an amazing amount of love and grace to my
heart. I met my future husband at the start of my senior year,
and for once, I felt normal, really normal. I graduated from
college in 1989 and married a few months later.
However, every now and then I could tell that the dark
shadow was still scouring around inside me. Shortly after